Taylor Davis here. Yep, Taylor of Flame of Findul fame. Since today is Character Book Club over at The Secret Files of Fairday Morrow and Mrs. Isenhoff is busy homeschooling, I thought it was a perfect time to hijack her blog and sneak in an interview with wonder Smidges, Tomato and Pea. You may have seen their interview with me last month. The Smidges are temporarily camping out here on Ear-th—I mean Earth. You can read about their space journey from Oarg and their dramatic arrival on our planet in The Adventures of Tomato and Pea, by Erik Weibel. These guys are little, but they rock!
Taylor: Okay, so fellas, Tomato made his crime-fighting debut against some unpleasant fellows called Wardoes. What exactly is a Wardoe?
Tomato: A Wardoe is a gigantic 10-inch alien known for being unnaturally cruel. They are terrible! Wardoes kind of look like a cross between a yellow squash and moldy sour cream. They had pretty much conquered Oarg until a certain rookie OLÉ agent figured out how to stop them… but that’s another story…
Taylor: Tomato, where did you learn to drive a spaceship? And is there any chance I can take it for a spin when you get it up and running again?
Tomato: Well, I passed with an A++ in flight school back on Oarg. I can fly all 30 different ships in the Hombergur-vith-cheez Fleet. Some of them are pretty complicated to fly, but it sure is fun!
I don’t believe you can fly in our ships. Your foot is around the size of one of us, so there may be an issue fitting you into the command chair.
Pea: Well, we have been working on the shrink ray. We could use it on Taylor.
Tomato: Pea, there are still a few glitches we should work out before we try it on Taylor.
Pea: I think the only reason why the statue exploded was because the molecular structure of its components were too rigid. Taylor looks squishy. We could –
Tomato: You are not going to try to shrink Taylor! How is he going to save the EAR-TH in his next book if he’s exploded?
Taylor: Er, I retract the question. Pea, can you tell me something about the training that’s required to become an O.L.E (Oarg Law Enforcement) agent?
Pea: First you have to know how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. *hee hee* Just kidding – the requirements are brutal, but it’s worth it. To become an O.L.E. agent first you have to be recruited by the recruiter squad. They have to notice you. There is no applying for the job. Once you get recruited, you have two years of training. The first year you have to learn tactical skills, survival training, citizenship, physical training, history, analytical thinking and how to play mahjong (I never understood why you have to learn how to play mahjong, other than that the Chief really likes it…). The second year you are a “rookie” and you get training in the area that you are going to specialize in. I am an electronics whiz, Tomato specializes in awesomeness and butt-kicking.
Taylor: Wow! Sounds like you were very prepared for your positions. Sure would have been nice if a certain guardian angel had made better preparations for another rookie crime fighter–but I digress. Tomato, it was your arch-nemesis, Wintergreen, who stranded you here on my planet. Has he been behaving himself recently? And does he practice his evil laugh?
Tomato: I am sad to report that he has recently gone missing along with his thugs Pye, Spike, and Lefty. I am pretty sure they are up to no good and much of our next adventure will be trying to rein them back in.
GAH! Wintergreen had been practicing his evil laugh every night. It kept me awake half of the night. I’m kind of glad he left.
Pea: Me too.
Taylor: Okay, be honest. Have either of you ever been tempted to duct tape Poppy Lobster’s mouth shut?
Tomato: YES! Do you have some?
Pea: YES! Industrial strength?
Taylor: I think I have some around here somewhere. Just a second… Hey! Elena, what are you doing here?
Elena: I thought I’d see what you were up to. Mrs. Isenhoff is going to be angry when she finds out you’re still hanging out with Tomato and Pea.
Taylor: We’re not “hanging out.” This is an official interview that you’re interrupting. And she won’t find out if you don’t tell her, will she?
Elena: Oh, are these little guys are so cute! And polite. Taylor, you could really take a lesson from them.
Tomato: I like how she avoided the “And she won’t find out if you don’t tell her, will she?” Very crafty girl… She’d make a good O.L.E. agent.
Taylor: *Sigh* Pea, do you happen to have anything in your backpack that repels interfering teammates?
Pea: Sorry, Taylor. If I did, I would have used it all already. …On Poppy. Besides, Elena called me cute!
Taylor: One last question. If you had a Greek god for a parent, which one would you prefer?
Pea: That’s easy-peasy, get it PEAsy? *snicker* Hephaestus. We would both be good with gadgets.
Tomato: Apollo. I like music. Especially those ‘Oldies’. Like Sammy Davis Jr. – “If we could talk to the animals, think of all the fun we’d have…”
Pea: Oh no. You’ve got him started! Well, see you, Taylor!
Tomato: “Hit the road, Jack! And don’t you come back no more, no more, no more, no more! Hit the road, Jack…”
Pea: Someone get the duct tape!
Taylor: Er, while Elena and I try to get the Smidges back under control, you may want to check out their adventure. Just click on the cover image below for the inside scoop. And click here for Mrs. Isenhoff’s review. Thanks for tuning in! And remember…mum’s the word!